Friday, September 30, 2005

very excited

I am very excited tomorrow myself and kimberly are going to drive to idaho to see my noelle it will only be for a few hours though but i am very excited to see her i cant wait till this damn day is over with and we can be on our way she dosent know we are coming either so its a suprise hopefully she will be happy to see us we are going to take her to a movie and to dinner and then let her stay with us in the hotel i miss her so much i wish we could take her back home with us but it will be great to see her even if it is only for a little while :)

Monday, September 05, 2005


.............I open my eyes I try to see but I am blinded by the white light, I cant remember how, I cant remember why Im lying here tonight, and i cant stand the pain and i cant make it go away, no I cant stand the pain, how can this happen to me, I've made my mistakes, got nowhere to run the night goes on as im fading away...............for some reason I have these lyrics by simple plan stuck in my head i makes me think of my noelleee belly. today i had a family bbq with my inlaws and my sister and her family while it turned out great and everyone seemed to have a good time i was missing a part of my family, my daughter noelle. I talked to her earlier in the day and she seemed really happy although she kept asking when she could come stay with us again and when she came she wanted to stay for a long time i didnt know what to say I wanther to come and stay for a long time, hell I want her to come and stay for good and not leave but i know she would miss her mom. I used to think that being with her mom was best for her but anymore I dont know I know we have a family here she has a little sister and a big brother and all the love she could ever hope for......but I dont know little girls just need their mothers i think and we will be in Idaho within a year or two I just miss her