Wednesday, August 31, 2005

sissy

back in december my little sis needed to come home from to new orleans where she had lived for the past ten years she was going through a break up and i needed to be there for her so i drove the 2300 miles to pick her up and to tow her car back. and i can honestly tell you i have never been more gratefull for doing that than i am today. I cannot imagine being here and seing what i have been seeing on the news and on the internet with her still there and no way of knowing how she is or if she is o.k. I would probably be in my truck on my way to nola to find her and get her out of there. but she is HERE and for that i am happy Love ya heidi

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

positivity

For the fisrst time since High School I am not working for my dad or for myself I got a real Job with a company here in sac. while i am starting to enjoy the job and the freedom it brings I feel like something is missing like i am wasting my time there I dont know it is hard to explain almost like i am biding my time until something big happens. I have a side project going making a BBQ seasoning, that excites me i sell about 50-60 bottles a month with out doing a thing to try and sell it. I know that if i just put a little effort into it, it would take off........ so why havent I? why havent i taken the time and visit stores and try to make this successful? is it because i am afraid of repeating past failures, or maybe i am lazy, or is that i am afraid of success. well i dont think it is fear of success hell i am ready for that and i dont think its that i am lazy, but maybe in the back of my head i am thinking " what the hell is the point what are the odds this is going to take off" I know i need to stay positive sometimes it is just downright hard. but i am working at it, I think it will work out

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I like beer


I like beer, it tasts great and is less filling I am not much of a wine drinker, as a matter of fact I think most of it is pretty gross, and for the most part I dont drink much hard alcohol tequila es el diablo. but beer on the other hand I tend to consume on a regular basis nothing beats a cold beer after a hard day of work, dont you agree?

Sunday, August 14, 2005

still here

I am still here, some times it seems i have been to hell and back but i am still here I have survived a divorce and felt i would lose my daughters affection when it was over she still loves me and i survived i am still here. when i lived at a apartment above my work for 9 months with my best friend and dealt with my divorce, my daughter, and the guilt of not ever being able to please or satisfy my father i came to the conclusion that it probably would not be an easy road for me but i survived, I am still here. I have been through 2 failed business ventures and seemingly endless fininacial troubles but with the support from my wife i survived, i am still here. when I met my 2nd wife about 3 years ago and i thought things were finally beginning to turn around for me, she has been my rock, my love, my companion,we are great together like peanut butter and jelly i started like being here again.....about 5 months ago my ex wife asked me for permission to move my daughter out of state it was the hardest decision i have ever made but i let her go thinking it would be the best situation for her to be able to grow up in a better enviroment have a big house in a quite safe neighborhood isnt that what we all want for our kids it was hard to be unselfish but i was and believe i made the right decision for her, yesterday i had to say goobye to her it was the hardest thing i ever have done trying to not break down in the airport while i was hugging the sweetest 6 year old girl in the world was impossible i will see her again in 2 to 3 months she needs me and i need her, I am surviving i will still be here.